


Josh was new, though,

by Pollarize



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anathema, Car Radio, Glowing Eyes, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, NO DEATH EITHER BAZINGA, Ode To Sleep, Song fic, brief mention of suicidal thoughts, forest, i wrote something that can halfway be considered fluff, if you can listen to car radio then you can read this, kitchen sink - Freeform, not really though but just a small warning, wow lookie here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 16:10:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5546744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pollarize/pseuds/Pollarize
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Okay, but do you think when Josh first joined the band and Tyler would come up to him with songs and stuff Josh would just hug him?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Josh was new, though,

**Author's Note:**

> send your thanks to Doodle for this story idea.
> 
> also i really don't know what this turned into so pls dont sue me or anything. i also dont know what tyler meant with his songs and these are my own interpretations of the lyrics. feel free to have your own, write this story yourself with your own thoughts (credit me u shits (and tag me bc i love reading garbAGE)).

Tyler had been used to Nick and Chris being there in his band. They’d been around for the last couple of years, they knew Tyler, knew the way he thought, what he thought. It made introducing new songs easy. They didn’t give him the sad stares anymore, they weren’t really phased at all by the words that Tyler wrote down. They nodded and told him that it was ‘eloquently written’ and then discussed bass riffs and drum sounds. 

 

Josh was new though. They’d grown close since they first met, Tyler and Josh falling into step with each other easily. They both had the same sense of humor and Tyler was comfortable around Josh. He could laugh and say the same stupid stuff he always did and didn’t feel like Josh would judge him negatively. It was an easy friendship that blossomed beautifully. But Josh had never heard what Tyler thought of, he’d never seen the way Tyler could get at times.

 

Tyler didn’t think too much when he first presented a song to Josh.

 

He’d sat down at a piano, Josh leaning against it, eyes interested as he watched Tyler start to play.

 

“ _ You will never know what’s behind my skull, _

_ You will never know what’s under my hair, _

_ You will never know what’s under my skin, _

_ You will never know what is in my veins, _

_ So won’t you say goodnight so I can say goodbye? _

 

_ Won’t you go to someone else’s dreams? _

_ Won’t you go to someone else’s head? _

_ Haven’t you taken enough from me? _

_ Won’t you torture someone else’s sleep? _

 

_ And you will never know what I am thinking of, _

_ And you will never understand what I believe, _

_ So won’t you say goodnight so I can say goodbye? _

 

_ Don’t know where I should go _

_ When the tears and the fears begin to multiply _

 

_ I’m caught under water and I’m falling farther _

_ My heart’s getting harder, I’m calling my father, _

_ Am I screaming to an empty sky?” _

 

Tyler finished with the last chord and looked up to Josh.

 

Josh had a strange look on his face, standing there staring at a spot on the piano before he nodded his head.

 

“It sounds good, Tyler, a really powerful message,” he said. Tyler nodded and smiled.

 

“Good for the record you think?” He asked and Josh nodded his answer, unable to find the words he really wanted to say to Tyler.

 

Something along the lines of ‘let me help you,’ or maybe even ‘please don’t say goodbye, for any reason,’ but he stayed silent. 

 

~~~

 

Tyler was sitting on Josh’s bedroom floor with his keyboard in his lap. They’d been joking around for awhile and Tyler decided they needed to work.

 

“Come on, Josh, our career,” he said in between laughs. Josh finally waved his hand as he tried to stop laughing.

  
“Fine, show me the next idea,” he said, scooting back on his bed until his back was rested against the wall.

 

_ “Go away, _

_ Leave me alone, _

 

_ Go away, _

_ Leave me alone, _

 

_ Leave me alone, _

_ Don’t leave me alone,” _

 

Josh had listened to the whole song and it was an interesting concept, he liked it a lot. The end though unsettled him.

 

Tyler had been relatively quiet through the whole thing. It was a small apartment and an even smaller bedroom, there hadn’t been any reason for Tyler to be singing loudly. The last line though he built up until he screamed it. The way he presented it fit the song, it was meant to be, but the lyric and the way it was spoken had an impact on Josh.

 

He didn’t think too much of Tyler’s repetition of wanting to be left alone, he didn’t mind the way it was, up until he screamed for them, whoever, not to leave him alone.

 

The contradiction of the words showed a little into the thoughts in Tyler’s head and Josh wasn’t sure if he really wanted to understand what his friend thought.

 

~~~

 

_ “We have romantic fantasies about what dying truly is, _

_ Fall off the grid, _

 

_ But I would rather play a song for the eyes to sing along, _

 

_ But I’ll kindly enter into rooms of depression, _

_ While ceiling fans and idle hands will take my life again, _

 

_ But I would rather play a song for the eyes to sing along, _

 

_ But I would rather play a song for the eyes to sing along, _

_ For the eyes to sing along, _

 

_ Make them stop.” _

 

Josh felt sick to his stomach at the last line. 

 

It had sounded so happy, the lyrics hadn’t even seemed down. There were bits that were concerning, it seemed that was a theme in Tyler’s writing, but it hadn’t seemed as sad as previous songs. Josh thought it would be okay.

 

The last line though left him sick and he couldn’t accurately explain why. Maybe it was the insistence through the whole song, that he would rather avoid everything else to play music for the eyes, the fans. It had repeated a couple times and Tyler seemed to focus on that.

 

But then he asked them to stop. 

 

Josh couldn’t bring himself to ask why, he didn’t want to know what it meant to Tyler.

 

“What did you think of it?”

 

Josh cleared his throat and stared at the floor.

 

“I really like the way that one sounds, it’ll be good on the album.”

 

~~~

 

_ “And you find you’re not who you’re supposed to be, _

 

_ This is not what you’re supposed to see, _

_ Please, remember me, I am supposed to be, _

_ King of a kingdom or swinging on a swing, _

_ Something happened to my imagination, _

_ This situation is becoming dire, _

_ And for some reason I smell gas on my hands, _

_ This is not what I had planned, _

_ This is not what I had planned.” _

 

Tyler’s voice rose in panic through the verse and just like always, Josh was upset by it.

 

He nodded when Tyler asked if it would work, okayed the song just like the others that Tyler had presented. There was no denying they were well written and meaningful, they deserved to be shared. Tyler also deserved to be comforted.

 

It was a couple hours later and Tyler was cooking some mac ‘n’ cheese for the two of them. Neither had much food in their apartments and it was the closest they’d get to a meal without going out and shopping. Josh was standing in the hallway, arguing with himself about what to do.

 

“Hey, Tyler?” Josh finally blurted. Tyler turned to look at him, a questioning expression on his face. Josh rubbed the back of his neck nervously before he crossed the small expanse of floor to where Tyler was and pulled him into a hug.

 

Tyler froze up, unsure of what to do, they’d never done this before.

 

“Josh?” Tyler asked, gently resting his hands on Josh’s back. Josh just shook his head to shut Tyler up. He buried his face into Tyler’s shoulder and held Tyler as tight as he could without hurting him. 

 

He wasn’t sure that it was any comfort to Tyler, maybe it was so random and out of place that Tyler was confused, he  _ was _ confused. Either way, Josh felt better doing it.

 

Josh pulled away finally, eyes to the ground, too embarrassed to actually look at Tyler. 

  
“What was that for?” Tyler asked, tilting his head to the side. Josh shrugged his shoulders and shoved his hands in his pockets, still unable to look at Tyler.

 

“Just thought you might need it.”

 

~~~

 

_ “I have these thoughts so often I ought, _

_ To replace that slot with what I once bought, _

_ ‘Cause somebody stole my car radio, _

_ And now I just sit in silence _

 

_ I hate this car that I’m driving, _

_ There’s no hiding for me, _

_ I’m forced to deal with what I feel, _

_ There is no distraction to mask what is real, _

_ I could pull the steering wheel, _

 

_ I ponder of something terrifying, _

_ ‘Cause this time there’s no sound to hide behind, _

_ I find over the course of our human existence, _

_ One thing consists of consistance, _

_ And it’s that we’re all battling fear, _

_ Oh dear, I don’t know if we know why we’re here, _

_ Oh my, _

_ Too deep, _

_ Please stop thinking, _

_ I liked it better when my car had sound, _

 

_ And now I just sit in silence, _

_ And now I just sit,” _

 

Tyler was screaming again in the lyrics and Josh was trying hard to keep from rushing over and hugging Tyler again.

 

The insight into Tyler’s mind was a lot more plain, it didn’t take as much thinking to figure out what he was referencing. Josh would never have thought that the smiling boy in front of him could have such dark thoughts. He didn’t want to believe that someone so amazing could be tortured by such dark and violent thoughts.

 

“Is it good?” Tyler asked, this time there was a hint of anxiety in his voice. Josh looked over at him to see him pulling at his sleeves.

 

Josh stood up from where he was sitting and went to pull Tyler into a hug again. This time, Tyler responded a lot quicker. He wrapped his around Josh and squeezed just as hard. 

 

“Stay alive,” Josh whispered, gripping onto Tyler’s shirt, “Please, stay alive, for me?” He formed it as a question but he was unsure if that was right. Maybe it should have been a demand. It didn’t matter in the end because Tyler nodded his head, releasing Josh long enough to wipe at a tear that had fallen. Josh did the same.

 

He wasn’t sure when or why he’d gotten so attached? protective? over Tyler but he had and now he wasn’t going to let go. He’d now seen the thoughts that were in Tyler’s head, he understood now. He needed to help now.

 

~~~

 

_ “They told me I was gone, they told me I was gone, _

 

_ But I’ll tell them, _

_ Why won’t you let me go?  _

_ Do I threaten all your plans? _

_ I’m insignificant, _

_ Please tell them you have no plans for me, _

_ I will set my soul on fire, what have I become? _

_ I’ll tell them, _

 

_ What have I become? _

_ I’ll tell them, _

_ I’ll tell them, _

 

_ Please tell them you have no plans for me, _

_ I will set my soul on fire, what have I become? _

_ I’m sorry.” _

 

Tyler’s music always seemed to leave an unsettled feeling in Josh’s stomach. 

 

Josh stood and walked over to Tyler, resting both of his hands on Tyler’s cheeks, staring him in the eyes.

 

“Fuck, Tyler, you aren’t insignificant, please know that? You’ve become so important in my life in such a short time, you aren’t, you can’t be insignificant. So many care about you, okay? I care about you.” Josh felt so many things wash over him, he felt it all so intensely and he didn’t know how to phrase it to get out all the feelings that stuck in his chest. He tried but it wasn’t enough, no words would ever be enough.

 

It was enough, though, for the message to get across to Tyler.

 

Tyler leaned up and pressed his lips to Josh’s for just a second before he pulled away.

  
“Thank you,” was all he said but he meant more than that. 

**Author's Note:**

> i really like knowing what you thought of this
> 
> the ending is also garbage and i apologize cause i really have no idea how to end this so enjoy bullshit  
> maybe i can give a class on bullshit 101 cause thats all i ever do anymore sign up in the comments


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